Sunday, July 25, 2004

Yes, I'm naked.

I just got a new scanner today, and used this picture of mine to test it out. Lucky you, my three slobbering loyal non-family readers.

photo credit: Qian Qian MaThe background on this shot went like this:

back in 1997

- which makes me feel like an old man since it seems like yesterday, when I was working at the flower shop full time, one of the other staffers, a college photographry student Qian (pronounched "chin") was asking all the other guys who worked there if they'd pose nude for her. I told her I was offended that she didn't ask me, to which she replied that she never thought in a million years I'd do it. And, indeed, maybe she was right. But, being spiteful, I agreed to do it on the condition that nobody from the flower shop will ever be told about it, let alone see the results.

After being told we'd do the shoot in a month, I started working out like crazy. Two or three times a day I'd spend forty five minutes doing sit ups, push ups, and curling with whatever heavy objects I could find in my apartment (the mop bucket filled to the brim with water worked best).

Since I was told that I'd be posing with a girl, and these would be "erotic" photos, Qian had me meet with my fellow model Anna a couple days after I agreed to the shoot, so we'd be comfortable around each other. She seemed cool, and after she shared some stories of sexual exploits with me, believed that I'd be a nervous wreck, shuddering through the shoot.

One week after I was told I had a month before we'd shoot, Qian called me to see if we could do it THAT WEEKEND. I was flustered. I'd only trained for a few days - I was far from through with my Jedi training. But, she said we had to it then. And she said she wanted me to shave my chest.

So, I shaved my chest for the first, and only, time in my life. It took three Sensor razors. And about an hour.

On the bright side, when finished and looked in the mirror, afraid to see a reflection of myself from before I even had hair on my balls, I was surprised to see definition in my chest - either my one week workout had paid off, or I was in better shape than I'd thought, but the Markland fur on my chest had covered this fact up.

The next day, Anna, Qian and I were on our way to a dry lake bed just on the brim of the Mojave desert. It was windy. Damn windy. And until I removed my pants I didn't realize how windy it was.

I was, indeed, first to go naked. We'd parked in the middle of a lake bed, with only arrid, flat cracked ground around us for a mile in each direction. The girls turned their heads away, I removed my clothes and covered myself up with a sheet. When Anna did the same, I looked away. It was silly, considering we'd have photos of us taken naked in moment in "erotic" shots, but shyness prevailed.

We got into position for our first shot, with Anna in front of me, and Qian told me to throw my sheet away. I did. After Anna dropped her sheet, I was supposed to hug Anna from beind.

Anna, who had suddenly gotten coy, told me, "You'd better not get a hard on."

I knew wtih the wind flapping my member and testicles every which way but loose, getting erect would be difficult. Instead

I said, "It could happen."

And with that she got cold feet, and refused to get naked.

The resulting photo shoot turned out pretty good, and what you see here is indeed me, naked, and Anna, technically naked, but covered in a sheet.

And with this posting, my future in politics is ruined. Enjoy.