Friday, October 08, 2004

Trick or Treat!

For the duration of the month, I'm going to avoid politics for the most part and focus on items a little less scary.

Out of all means of divination, the Ouija board is my favorite. To begin with, its the only tool meant to conjure spirits that is manfactured by a large, respectable company... Parker Brothers. Of course, they dismiss it as a mere toy display it along with other kids games like Monopoly and Chutes & Ladders.

There there's the rules. Everyone has their own, but some of the more "common" rules include:

Never play alone!
If the planchette repeatedly makes a figure eight, it means that an evil spirit is in control of the board.
The board must be "closed" properly or evil spirits will remain behind to haunt the operator.
Never use the Ouija when you are ill or in a weakened condition since this may make you vulnerable to possession.
Always be respectful and never upset the spirits.
Never use the Ouija in a graveyard or place where a terrible death has occurred or you will bring forth malevolent entities.
Ouija boards that are disposed of improperly, come back to haunt the owner.
A Ouija Board will scream if you try to burn it. People who hear the scream have less than thirty-six hours to live. There is only one proper way to dispose of it: break the board into seven pieces, sprinkle it with Holy Water then bury it.
NEVER leave the planchette on the board if you aren't using it.

Of course, I don't believe in any of this crap. So, one time I actually tossed a Ouija into a fire. Nothing happened that I know of. I used the same Ouija previously in the Duck River Cemetery in Old Lyme... again, nothing happened (at least that night... freaky place).

Once my mom told me that before I was conceived, and after a doctor told her she couldn't have more kids, she was playing with a Ouija board at a friend's place and asked how many children she had. The board said three, when at the time she had two. She thought it was bogus, until she found out she was pregnant with me. I should also mention that she sometimes believed that I was conceived with help of aliens who'd abducted her one night.

Which isn't to say weird stuff doesn't occur with Ouija boards. I'll occasionally hear a story that creeps me out (if you have one of your own, I encourage you to leave on in the comments).

But, I do believe for them to work well, there is a basic formula:

1. Only two people can play with a Ouija at once.
2. The two people should be of the opposite sex, or gay. There's something about the physical connection between the people using the plachette that makes it work.
3. Set the mood. Others can be in the room, but quiet. Low lights, maybe some candles. However, I'd avoid music... the planchette might start spelling out lyrics from a song.
4. Its always best to bring out the board after people have been telling ghost stories or talking about other creepy subjects. It opens the mind a little.
5. Don't ask for a sign that the spirit is there. This is silly. Start with simple "yes or no" questions, or questions that can be answered with single digit numbers (ie how many children did you have), to get the planchette moving, and then move on to questions that would require the "spirit" to spell stuff out.
6. If the planchette repeatedly lands on "Goodbye", the two people at the board should take a break and let someone else have a turn.

It's always best if you're in an old house, and that you don't try and get in touch with somebody in particular. And make sure someone is taking notes (or if only two people are there, write down the questions and answers immediately after finishing).

Now, I'm off to carve a pumpkin.

Raspil, aka Bluecad, says "How To Vote" "is not preachy, it is not insulting. it is hot, clever, smart"... Psychotic Normalcy dropped word on "How To Vote"... RadioHumper, the Unwashed Depressive, says she linked to "How To Vote" before anyone else, but Blogger ate it...